CC image courtesy of City of Olathe on Flickr

This may sound a bit controversial, but I beg you – please hear me out.  There is a frustrating epidemic that is alive and well in many organizations.  I’ve seen it with my own eyes and I constantly hear about it from my coaching clients. The phenomenon exists in almost every organization, non-profit and for-profit; big and small.

What is this epidemic that is sucking the life out of our workplaces?  People that need to be FIRED!

You know exactly the type of people that I’m talking about.  They walk amongst us, making jokes at the water cooler and picking through the spinach at the cafeteria salad bar, and they seem so very normal. We even see them seemingly hard at work at their desks.  However, each one harbors a nefarious secret:  as a result of their actions, the organization is ultimately less productive.

See if you recognize these prime suspects:

• The Cockroach – This person has been in the organization for years and has no plans to leave.  It is widely recognized that he isn’t good at his job, but somehow manages to survive waves of layoffs, manager changes, mergers, and probably even the apocalypse (if it had ever come around).  He doesn’t pull his weight so team members and even the boss have to take up the slack. He hasn’t been promoted in years, and other than a few half-hearted complaints, doesn’t seem to mind.

• The Bear – This snarling, biting, growling person is often considered a rock star in the organization.  She always delivers on her goals but leaves behind a trail of destruction.  The people that work around her feel devalued and unmotivated, having been subjected to yelling, belittlement, and all manners of inappropriate behavior.  Despite her obvious shortcomings, she keeps getting promoted, calling into question Senior Leadership’s self-proclaimed commitment to employee satisfaction.

• The Weasel – This sneaky, underhanded person is all about politics.  He is willing to start rumors about rivals, take credit for other’s work, and even sabotage efforts that don’t directly support his individual goals.  A master in managing up, nobody at the top seems to notice how poisonous he really is.  Meanwhile, everyone around him knows to stay as far away as possible!

Now, please don’t get me wrong, I generally work to help people KEEP jobs, not lose them, but I have to speak out for what’s right.  The Cockroach, Bear, and Weasel need to go, and they need to go now!  Their ineffectiveness, bad attitudes, and social failings just add to the workload and pressure of the organization’s True Achievers – the talented and committed employees that keep everything running.

It isn’t fair.

It isn’t fair that good people got downsized while The Weasel stays nice and comfortable.  It isn’t fair that True Achievers have to give up time in the evenings or on weekends to correct something that The Cockroach should’ve done correctly the first time.  It isn’t fair that The Bear routinely destroys the self-esteem of high potential employees and drives them out of the organization.  It isn’t fair that any of these people get to coast in their jobs when there are so many qualified people looking for work.  It isn’t fair, and it has to stop.

So, for the sake of all that is good, can somebody please get fired?